The Bulletin Board

Luke,

It is not fine. You will see precisely what I mean once we shave it off. It looks utterly ridiculous. We should also cut your hair while we're about it.

-Alistair

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Captain,

I will write your letters for you provided you spend more time learning how to comport yourself in a proper manner.


-Alistair

The cat keeps giving me weird looks... Mr. Cat, you're creeping me out. Kindly stop staring at me. Also, just to let everyone know, I didn't mean to break that kitchen jar. Cat gave me quite the scare, and I bumped into it.

~Ivanna♥

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While you're at it, care to give me some fashion advice, Mr. Wardrobe-Criticizer? I seem to be catching less women than I used to.

~Dmitri

Be sure to wear clothing as moldy and old as possible. Preferably from a dung heap or a coal mine. Women love it.

-Alistair

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Whatever are you talking about? Why didn't you just give me the cream you were standing next to, human?

-Tybalt (King of Cats)

Ah, yes, of course. Should I make sure I find a hat filled with moth holes, as well, O' Wise One?

And mangy cat: Watch what you call Ivanna. Otherwise, I'll find a practical use to "more than one way to skin a cat". And trust me, I can be very creative.

~Dmitri

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Oh, is that what you wanted? I thought cream was bad for cats? Only kittens could drink it?

Dmitri, he didn't mean anything by it. It's okay, Sweetie.

~Ivanna♥

I think the vamp's right. You should join the fashion police, you'd get along well there. I ain't putting no blade to my throat, though you're free to try if you'd like a black eye. Heh, that rhymed, didn't it? I should write poetry that don't suck.

From,
Lucas

PS: There are more ghosts on this ship than people.

Lucas,

Would you be more comfortable with a safety razor? They're useful for lads just learning to shave, though a bit difficult to find. Only children without whiskers to worry over yet are scared of shaving.

-Alistair

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Of course I wanted the cream, human. And some fish if you have it. Caviar?

-Tybalt (King of Cats)

If you're going to bug me about this both in person and on paper, I suppose a haircut would be worth it. To get you to shut up.

From,
Lucas

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I found a bunny!! Hes cute and fluffy and hes got a furry little patch over his eye and I'm going to name him Patches!!!

Ana

And a shave. We may make a human being of you yet.

-Alistair

P.S. Since when has this ship been converted to a menagerie? Though I suppose rabbit stew would be a welcome change from fish.

Same can be said for you. Someday you might start showing human emotions like compassion and empathy.

From,
Lucas

PS: Rabbit stew sounds nice. We'll need some carrots and onions though.

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Human,

Please don't make me into a stew. I would not appreciate that much. Also, keep Sir Tybalt away from me or I may have to take a chunk out of his nose. Should you be nice and non-threatening, I would be more than happy to cuddle on your lap.

-Patches

Yes, quite. Maybe I could give you some pointers, Blood Bag? For instance, one does not simply tell a Lady that her outfit is horrible. A true gentleman offers advice as to how a current outfit may be better. As was done when we actually got the dress. Something tells me you would be even more rude to your captain if you saw the other dress.

Also, when did it become commonplace to have rabbits as pets rather than food?

~Dmitri

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I don't know if we have any of those items, Tybalt. Maybe fish, but I don't like to pry in other people's things.

~Ivanna♥

That pesky cat does whatever it wants. I don't know why everyone keeps acting like it's mine. And keep that rabbit locked up, Captain, if you insist on treating it as other than dinner. It's a menace.

-Alistair

P.S. I don't need advice from you, Bloodsucker. I've bought her more suitable things over time.

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Lucas!

Please don't let that girl near me again! She nearly cracked me. I saw her with a sink of cold water right after she burnt the bacon! Luckily she was distracted at the very last moment. But then she came in later and left me in the water to rust! Help me! You're the only person that's good to me on this ship!

~The Big Cast Iron Frying Pan

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Fish is acceptable tribute from poor people, I suppose, but I would like better offerings in the future if you wish me to continue defending your hovel from invasions from the horrid rat king and his mouse minions.

-Tybalt (King of Cats)

P.S. Teach that dog some manners. She must learn humility in the face of royalty.

Did someone say fish? Can I have some FISH!? I've been good. I haven't mauled anything I wasn't supposed to. Just a taste? I just love FISH!!

- Jant

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What did I tell people about going in the kitchen? Unless you know how to cook, stay out. That includes you, Captain. Especially you, Captain. Also, ghost girl, I'd be more than willing to talk to you if you're getting lonely. I see you sulking around the ship and kind of feel bad.

From,
Lucas

PS: The haircut doesn't look bad at all. Anyone know the local bars well?

I've only been here for while, but I know of some good hau bars. I can even get us discounts, if you'd like.

~Dmitri

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You would? That would be wonderful! Even though your family is delightful bunch, it still gets rather lonely sometimes...

~Ivanna♥

PS. If you go, have fun time, Sweetie, but don't go overboard.

Uh... They set out the fish for ME, griffin. I AM royalty.

Tybalt (King of Cats)

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Brother, you would do better to avoid such places. Only low ruffians frequent such places. Better to find a club for yourself.

-Alistair

FISH! My fish. I'll fight you for the fish. Come at me bro!!!

-Jant

PS: I refuse to acknowledge your royalty with out papers or a lineage. There are rules for these sort of things you know.

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But there aren't women at clubs. That's the entire point of a gentleman's club isn't it, no ladies allowed? A little clubhouse for grown men to escape their wives and duties? Discounts would be good, though I'm more interested in good patronage, if you know what I mean.

From,
Lucas

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There's a big spyder in the kitchen! A huge one! One as big as your hand!! Someone squush it please!!!!

Ana

My good man, I know where all of the good patronages are. I take it upon myself to know these things.

And about your spider problem, Captain, I took the liberty of ridding the kitchen of the spider. You no longer have to worry.

~Dmitri

You receive much better patronage at a club.

-Alistair

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I can be magnanimous to my subjects. Have your fish, peon.

Tybalt (King of Cats)

Hey, this place has a lot of shiny things~! Like that nice little yellow box I found in someone's room~! Hey, is there anything else shiny around that I can have? I'll settle for rolls of toilet paper, too. Oh, hey, I forgot about this, too: If I bite, it's what I call a "love bite". I'm just telling you all because I got in trouble for it before.

-Beda the ferret

P.S. What does Beda mean? The guy with the ponytail keeps saying that I'm "Beda." Is that my name?

--

"Beda" is Russian for trouble. Dmitri's just being mean and calling you a nuisance. I'm sorry. Dmitri, be nicer. The ferret's cute.

~Ivanna♥

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The rodent stole my- Nevermind. Anyway, the word sticks for me, so the rod ferret's name is now Beda.

~Dmitri

So you were the one that brought the over large rodent on board, vampire? Perhaps that damn cat can be useful after all.

-Alistair

It's not like I had much of a choice. The thing hopped up on my shoulders and wouldn't leave me alone, no matter how many times I took it off. And if that cat comes anywhere near Beda, you can be sure that he will have gone missing by the next morning.

~Dmitri

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Um, hey, Mister Cat...? Please stay away. Thank you. I'll even find you food if you want. Mister Dmitri feeds me a lot of snacks.

-Beda the ferret

That little fiend has stolen my cigarette case! I hope that the cat rips its throat out!

-Alistair

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Rodent,

I expect much greater tribute in future. I am royalty.

-Tybalt (King of Cats)

You don't even smoke. Why do you have a cigarette case? And why do you care that it's been taken?

~Dmitri

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Hey, I'm sorry. I'll give your box back.

And Mister Cat, what kind of tribute?

-Beda

That is none of your bloody business, Vampire. It is mine and I wish it back.

-Alistair

Hey, I put the box back in the room I found it. It's a shame, though. It was really shiny. Have anything I can have in return?

-Beda the ferret

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Touchy, touchy. If you're not careful, that case of yours may become more useful as a tool of ransom.

~Dmitri

Yay!!! A new playmate for Patches! They'll be best of friends!

Ana

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You two touch that case again and I'll make sure you disappear. The only evidence that I did it would be a grin on my face every time your names came up.

From Lucas

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I WILL FEAST ON YOUR FLESH THE NEXT TIME YOU STICK YOUR FINGERS IN MY CAGE PUNY HUMANS! YOUR BLOOD WILL TURN MY FUR RED! MY TEETH WILL BE THE SCALPEL THAT TEARS YOUR BODY INTO TWENTY PIECES!

I... I'm sorry, no idea what came over me. I just get those thoughts sometimes. Please don't hurt me, see? I'm a rock. Rocks don't move.

-Patches